We are excited to share with you stories of Enneagram and Marriage and today we are introducing you to Amy and Spencer–Amy hosted our Enneagram Conversation on Parenting this past spring, and has a podcast called Simply Wholehearted. This August, we hosted Enneagram Conversations on the Enneagram and Marriage, so we thought what better way to prep for an outstanding conversation than to explore real life couples doing life with the Enneagram. We are excited to share their story with you.
Spencer: Enneagram 9w1 | Amy: Enneagram 7w8
How did you meet?
My boss, at the time, told me his nephew had just moved to town and that I should introduce him to my friends. We met in the lobby of church- I was expecting some young kid fresh out of college, but he was a ripe old age of 25. He was mostly nervous about meeting a bunch of new people, but when we both saw each other there was an immediate spark. We hung out at the same restaurant that evening, but not at the same table, yet we were very aware of each other. I could tell from the beginning that he different than the other guys I knew, but I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see him again. It so happened he made the hour drive to come back to see me again the next weekend and then the next.
Within a month of meeting, he asked my parents permission to marry me. I was in shock, but thrilled. We met June 25th, got engaged August 27th and married February 20th!
How Long Have You Been Married?
How did you learn about the Enneagram?
I first heard about the Enneagram on a podcast. I wasn’t even sure how to pronounce it, much less spell it, but being a personality geek I was immediately intrigued. I remember telling Spencer about it, but he’s not usually a fan of these personality things. I would read him excerpts from books, and do my best to type him, but I think once I decided to become an Enneagram coach several years ago, he decided to pay attention.
Amy, what is your favorite aspect of Spencer’s Enneagram Type?
Getting insight into how my loved ones really tick! And it’s so great to finally have something to articulate why I think the way I do and why I get stuck. I’m so grateful for the life-giving freedom it’s provided in my spiritual walk, relationships and work!
Spencer, what is your favorite aspect of Amy’s Enneagram Type?
It’s been great to understand my wife better and even my three kids. Especially my teenage girls who are already hard to understand. As a 9, I don’t care for conflict and not usually given to ask lots of questions to figure out “why.” The Enneagram helps spell out why people do what they do.
And what’s the hardest part about Spencer’s Enneagram Type?
Ugh! Well, I love him, but it’s sometimes really hard to be an Assertive Type and he is a Withdrawing Type. Conflicts are tricky for us and I sometimes feel like I’m “too much.” I’m learning to celebrate our differences and realize we both contribute invaluable traits to our relationship.
And what’s the hardest part about Amy’s Enneagram Type?
She has all these ideas and wants to do “all the things.” It’s hard for a person like me who wants to do just a few simple things at once and finish one task at a time. I appreciate how she’s learning to share one idea at a time with me and asks for my feedback. It’s nice to know my input matters.
How has learning the Enneagram helped you understand him?
So many things! I used to wonder how on earth he could roll over and go to sleep before we settled an argument. I mean the nerve! Now, I get that he can (and needs) to resolve things after he has some time to retreat and decide how he wants to assert his opinion. I’ve learned to take my offenses to the Lord and I know He always defends me and helps us work out our conflict when the time is right.
And how has learning the Enneagram helped you understand her?
Now I understand her high level of energy and her desire to be with people and involved in so many projects at once. I’ve learned she needs to be reminded how God will always take care of her and I will always do what I can as her husband. It also has helped me appreciate her unique personality even though it’s very different from mine.
What has been the most valuable lesson you’ve learned thanks to understanding the Enneagram?
When you understand the message every Type longs to hear it provides practical ways to express your love with words you can put into action.
And just because we’re gift people, we wanted to know–
I really feel loved when he gifts me: Experiences or gifts he thinks will make my life more enjoyable!
I really feel loved when she gifts me: Exactly what I ask for, not something that’s a knock-off brand.
So much fun getting to know this sweet couple–we loved learning more about Amy and Spencer’s journey with the Enneagram and how it’s impacted their marriage.
Make sure to visit our Youtube Channel for our conversation on Enneagram + Marriage conversation with Enneagram + Marriage Podcaster Christa Hardin. Head over to our Events tab to register to hold your spot for September’s conversation.