We are excited to share with you stories of Enneagram and Marriage and today we are introducing you to Ashlee and Seth Weaver. This August, we are hosting Enneagram Conversations on the Enneagram and Marriage, so we thought what better way to prep for an outstanding conversation than to explore real life couples doing life with the Enneagram.
Meet Ashlee and Seth. We’ve known Ashlee and Seth since before Ashlee was a Weaver. We’ve loved walking alongside in friendship with these two, and we are excited to share their story with you.
Ashlee: Enneagram 3w2 | Seth: Enneagram 5w4
How did you meet: This feels like the longest story ever when I attempt to re-tell it.
We met at Church camp when we were 14 years old and became friends right away. He became a permanent fixture in our friend group because one (or two) of my friends had a crush on him. So, that summer, we invited him to everything after camp. He started dropping not-so-subtle hints that he liked me almost immediately after we met. Like “here’s a mixed tape” and Dashboard Confessionals lyric of love as his MSN Messenger headline. It didn’t take long for him to confess his ‘like’ towards me, but I was just interested in friendship and Seth seemed like the kind of guy you’d end up marrying because you couldn’t break up with such a nice guy. I wasn’t ready for marriage lol.
Fast forward two years of growing our friendship and we accidentally cuddled. It might have been because I thought he was flirting (he denies it HA) with a girl I didn’t want him to flirt with. I realized if I didn’t choose him, I wouldn’t get to keep him as my friend forever. He’d get married to someone else, and then we couldn’t be best friends forever? Nah, that sounded terrible. I’d love to say that we cuddled and the rest is history, but I was a teenage girl, 17 years old and complicated. It took a few months of confusion and then I realized, I was falling in love with nice guy that I had to marry now. I’m so glad I gave it a chance. It’s been the best ten years of our lives.
How Long Have You Been Married?
How did you learn about the Enneagram?
The day we had our third baby, our lovely friend Beth (Also the co-founder of Bone and Marrow!) was visiting us in the hospital and we started talking about the Enneagram. We were super curious and Beth took us through the quiz (with a caveat of “don’t let this be the decider, just let it point you in the right direction) and we’ve been hooked ever since. We both started with an assumption that our wings were our lead numbers, but then more self-discovery led us to our numbers now, 3 and 5.
Ashlee, what is your favorite aspect of Seth’s Enneagram Type?
Seth is super thoughtful and chooses his words carefully. I can trust the things he says and that means I can trust his love for me. OH, and he fixes EVERYTHING that breaks in our house. He figures if there’s a youtube video for it, he can do it (which is 100% true for him).
Seth, what is your favorite aspect of Ashlee’s Enneagram Type?
It’s difficult for me to answer this because I’ve known her for so long that I struggle to see her traits as an Enneagram thing, BUT she can maximize everything. I am an over-thinker by trade, and so having her as the “just do it” and often taking a leap knowing I will follow is a very beneficial thing for me. The biggest moments in our lives have been because she lept while I was thinking. She causes me to get out of my own way and commit (be it a job, project, getting time to myself etc.) and I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I didn’t have her to be the proverbial wind in my sails (not cheesy, but in fact a strong metaphor for our marriage).
And what’s the hardest part about Seth’s Enneagram Type?
He thinks everything through so thoroughly, sometimes he assumes I don’t think about the way things will pan out. He’s not wrong that I jump to things too quickly sometimes, but I need the benefit of the doubt, BABE. haha. And he takes too long researching and deciding on things, that things often go undone. It’s hilarious reading his answer vs my answer to this question. Someone come fix us HA.
And what’s the hardest part about Ashlee’s Enneagram Type?
We decided to build a deck once and while I spent the few days before planning it all out and figuring out what we’d need, I came home from work one day to find that she had already started. This throws my plans and prep out the window. So then, I’m in this mode of catch up and it was a mess (it did end up being a great deck that she really did on her own and I moped about not knowing to do). The biggest tension for us I think is that I want to pause and plan and she wants to get it done, knowing we’ll figure it out as we go and it will turn out ok.
How has learning the Enneagram helped you understand him?
The way we communicate has completely changed. I used to see his quiet, introverted nature as him being annoyed with me. Now I realize its natural that he needs quiet time and thrives after having a little intentional time to himself.
And how has learning the Enneagram helped you understand her?
Recognizing stress points has been huge. If she is napping or short, I know something is up and she likely needs space to go and plan something out or just walk around Target with a podcast.
What has been the most valuable lesson you’ve learned thanks to understanding the Enneagram?
Ashlee: That we’re so different, but we’re a wonderful team when we can give each other the benefit of the doubt and understand each other.
Seth: If we allow the other to bring their strengths to our daily lives, we find a strong balance that achieves decisive and thoughtful action.
And just because we’re gift people, we wanted to know–
I really feel loved when he gifts me: Cute things that I don’t want to buy for myself. The best gift ever was AirPods! Because I felt bad buying them but really wanted them.
I really feel loved when she gifts me: Subscription boxes to one of my hobbies.
So much love for this sweet little fam–we loved learning more about Ashlee and Seth’s journey with the Enneagram and how its impacted their marriage.
Make sure to sign up for our Enneagram + Marriage conversation we are having on August 20 and 21, 2020 with Enneagram + Marriage Podcaster Christa Hardin. Head over to our Events tab to register to hold your spot now.