We are excited to share with you stories of Enneagram and Marriage and today we are introducing you to Rebekah and Paul. This August, we are hosting Enneagram Conversations on the Enneagram and Marriage, so we thought what better way to prep for an outstanding conversation than to explore real life couples doing life with the Enneagram. We are excited to share their story with you.
Rebekah: Enneagram 1w9 | Paul: Enneagram 8w9
How did you meet?
We met at college. We were instantly attracted to one another but neither of us pursued the other. Somehow, we ended up with the same circle of friends my sophomore year and his junior year. So we eyed each other from a distance for about 2 years. We really built a friendship and a solid foundation during that time. Both of us knew (unbeknownst to the other) that the next relationship we got into, was going to be our spouse. So, we watched how that person interacted with their friends, how they were involved in the community, is this person really who they say they are, etc.
He said that a turning point for him was when he was discussing a book he was reading for one of his theology classes and I said that I had read it. He said, “Oh you took the class?” I said “No, I read it for myself.” He thought that it was really awesome that I would read that kind of book not for a class, but for my own personal growth. We kept hanging out with friends and then eventually Paul kept asking me to hang out with him…only him. I freaked out! I cancelled on 4 different occasions because I was so nervous to hang out with him alone.
Then around October of 2011, I (Rebekah) gained the courage to tell him I had feelings for him. He was about to leave to go do his internship with a church in Alabama (we went to school in Central Florida) and randomly one evening at like 9pm I texted asking if we could meet really quick at the lake in front of the school. He agreed and then I just word vomited. He said that it was mutual and that he had been trying to invite me on those hangout dates so he could tell me. And then literally 1 year later, we got married!
How Long Have You Been Married?
8 years this November
How did you learn about the Enneagram?
I (Rebekah) was introduced maybe 1.5 years ago through a friend. The friend posted something on Instagram and it made me dig deeper.
Rebekah, what is your favorite aspect of Paul’s Enneagram Type?
Paul takes life by the horns. He does what’s right no matter the cost.
Paul, what is your favorite aspect of Rebekah’s Enneagram Type?
Her moral compass.
And what’s the hardest part about Paul’s Enneagram Type?
His intensity. He already knows what he feels/thinks and sometimes I need a minute to find what I feel/think.
And what’s the hardest part about Rebekah’s Enneagram Type?
Her stubborness or insecurities to try new things or do things she isn’t good at.
How has learning the Enneagram helped you understand him?
It has explained so much. Not just for right now, but for when we first got married. I get where his motivations come from and why he is the way that he is. He isn’t intentionally trying to be overwhelming or insensitive. It’s just for him, fluff isn’t an option. Fluff means that there’s more to the story and he has to get to the bottom of it. So when he “picks” at an issue, it’s not because he doesn’t trust me, it’s because he wants to get to the depth of it.
And how has learning the Enneagram helped you understand her?
The inner critic. It’s a huge hindrance but it helped me learn to be more patient with her. Things can “make sense” in her head, but don’t make sense to me.
What has been the most valuable lesson you’ve learned thanks to understanding the Enneagram?
Paul: We are all coping with our childlike selves. We all have different alignments of health with our types. Someone can be an 8 and a jerk or an 8 and a leader.
Rebekah: That not everyone sees the world like I do. I can think of countless scenarios where I did not understand why someone made a certain decision (because it wasn’t the choice I would have made). More specifically, with my husband, I don’t take his intensity personal anymore. I learned that he isn’t doing it to me because it’s me, he literally cannot help himself. It’s not “at me.”It’s because he’s intense about everything in life.
And just because we’re gift people, we wanted to know–
I really feel loved when he gifts me: Honestly, it’s not “things” it’s time and adventure. I want experiences.
I really feel loved when she gifts me: Time, energy, effort, matching my intensity or directness.
So much love for this sweet couple–we loved learning more about Rebekah and Paul’s journey with the Enneagram and how it’s impacted their marriage.
Make sure to sign up for our Enneagram + Marriage conversation we are having on August 20 and 21, 2020 with Enneagram + Marriage Podcaster Christa Hardin. Head over to our Events tab to register to hold your spot now.